


do you not know how love works?

by BooyahFordhamYacht



Series: and did you love me like the way you wrote(shyan oneshots) [6]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Jen is a Sweetheart, M/M, Men Crying, Ryan Fucks Up, Shane is Asexual, possible trigger warning?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 09:49:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15838782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BooyahFordhamYacht/pseuds/BooyahFordhamYacht
Summary: "do you not know how love works?"or, shane is asexual and ryan has fucked upfor the prompts 9 & 10, things you said while i was crying & things you said that made me feel like shit





	do you not know how love works?

“Do you not know how love works?” And it’s in that laughing, teasing tone of Ryan’s, but the words leave a bad taste on Shane’s tongue. Shane shrugs and plays along, because that’s what he does, but it feels like a punch in the gut. 

His asexuality had been one of the things that made him so cautious about getting into a relationship with Ryan - he didn't want to ruin their friendship, and he especially didn't want to ruin their friendship over  _that_. Most of the time, he was fully comfortable with it, but with someone like Ryan, someone so intensely masculine, he felt like he would always be a little bit behind if he couldn't... do  _that_ for him. Ryan, of course, had assured him a thousand times a day that he loved him, sex or no. But now they're here and Shane thinks he might throw up.

“Maybe I don’t.” 

Shane manages to laugh at all of Ryan’s jokes and make a few of his own, but as soon as TJ cuts on the episode he leaves without so much as smiling at Ryan. His feet carry him to the bathroom down the hall from set. Jen spots him as he bursts into the men’s room.

He slides down the wall until he’s sitting on the floor, knees tucked to his chest. He feels so small feels like he's being crushed. 

It doesn’t surprise Shane when Jen pushes in after him, she’s  _ Jen _ , she’s the best person he knows.

“Shane?” her voice is kind and she gives him tissues. It’s only then he realizes he’s crying, and he takes them with a shaking hand.

“It’s okay, I’m okay,” he tells her, and she rolls her eyes. 

“No, Shane, no you’re not! What happened? Want me to beat him up?” Jen jokes, and he knows she doesn’t think this is about Ryan, especially when the sob those words elicit cause her to gasp. She's been, from day one, the biggest supporter of their relationship - it was  _Jen_ who got them together in the first place, and Shane knows that the idea of them breaking up terrifies her, because she thinks they're perfect for each other.

“Oh no, Shane, what happened? What did he do? Did he-”  _ break up with you _ ? And Shane shakes his head, and Jen can’t help a small sigh of relief.

“He, um, he thinks that-” and Shane is crying again. Jen hands him the water bottle she’d abandoned on the bathroom counter. He manages a sip and it helps clear the choked feeling in his throat. 

“He thinks I don’t know how love works.” Jen is staring at him like he’s grown three heads, and then it clicks for her and Shane is  _ so glad  _ it’s Jen here because there’s only a few people who would know what that means to him. Jen is one of them. Ryan is another.

“Oh, Shane. I can’t imagine that’s what he meant. He wouldn’t- I’m  _ sure  _ he wouldn’t have meant it like that or said it, if he had considered what that would mean to you.” 

Shane seems unconvinced. Jen sighs and slides to sit next to him. He sniffles and she leans her head against his shoulder, a silent, constant pressure keeping Shane grounded. 

They sit there for what could be seconds, minutes, eternities, Shane isn’t completely sure. The door pushes open, and it’s Ryan.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Is the only thing Ryan says, standing in the doorway, a panicked look in his eyes.

Jen glances cautiously at Shane. When he nods, she stands with a gentle pat on Shane’s shoulder. She says something to Ryan that Shane doesn’t fully hear, but he thinks it might have been “you done fucked up, Bergara.” The stern look on her face is softened by the small hand on Ryan’s bicep, a comforting movement. Shane knows that she’s Ryan’s friend too, and he appreciates the way she cares so  _much_  about them both, even when things are like this.

Ryan nods, and Jen leaves.

Shane stares at Ryan, not trusting his hoarse throat to speak. Ryan opens his mouth and shuts it again.

Finally Ryan seems to find words. “I didn’t realize,” and he’s taking a breath here like he’s in pain, and a few tears refuse to listen and follow tracks down Shane’s cheeks as much as he tries not to let them. “You left and I didn’t even realize what I’d said, until I  _ did _ , and I swear, Shane, I never would’ve said that if I’d realized.”

Shane’s voice is barely a croak the first time he speaks. 

“What?” Ryan asks, and Shane clears his throat, tries again.

“You were right.” He sounds small and he hates himself for it, but the shocked, almost hurt look on Ryan’s face makes him feel even worse.

“No!” Ryan says, and he drops to Shane’s level, on his knees in front of Shane, whose arms are still tightly locked around his legs. “No, I wasn’t. I know you know how love works. I was wrong. I never considered what I was saying, I never should have said it. Shane, I swear, I never meant to hurt you, and I don’t believe what I said. I know you know how love works. I know you love me. I love you.”

Even now, even here, hearing Ryan saying the words “I love you” manages to knock the breath from Shane like it’s the first time he’s hearing them. 

Shane still can’t the words “do you not know how love works?” from playing on repeat in his mind, and Ryan seems to know. Of course he does. It’s Ryan. 

“Baby, I promise. I’ve never  _ once  _ questioned your love for me. Not once. I know. I know, okay? I promise that I know you love me. And I promise that I would never say something so hurtful intentionally. I  _ never  _ wanted to hurt you.” and there’s a certain kind of begging tone in Ryan’s voice that makes Shane want so desperately to find faith in his words. 

He takes a shaky breath and nods. 

“Okay?” Ryan says, eyes hopeful.

“I love you.” Shane responds, and Ryan sighs deeply.

Ryan takes Jen’s old position by his side, and wraps one muscly arm around Shane’s shoulder. Shane curls against Ryan and takes another breath.

“I love you, so much.” Ryan murmurs into Shane’s hair.

And Shane finds himself believing, without a doubt, that he can love Ryan too.


End file.
